• Mom: The budget better pass otherwise your brother will still be in the grade school for 6th grade and I have to put up with DiPoala and her goddamn science fairs, I hate them.
• Me: Goddamn lesbians and their science fairs.
• Mom: I hate her lesbian science fairs.

Hey guys! I know I posted about it a week or so ago but I just want to get the word out for everyone. Ibotta is kind of a backwards coupon thing where you buy something (toothpaste, snacks, cleaning products, soda, etc) and are eligible to get a certain percent of what you spent on it back. There’s no coupon clipping or anything like that, you just need an Apple or Android smart phone. I know I have quite a few thrifty people (and/or broke college students) on my friends list so hopefully you can use it!

Here’s the sign up linkamajig

• Mom: Oh god you're going to marry a black man.
• Me: I am not mom.
• Mom: I dated a black guy once! No one knew! He was a DJ.
• Me: His name was DJ or he was a DJ?
• Mom: He WAS a DJ. His name was Shannon.
• Me:
• Mom: Right? Ha.

• Nana: Colleen, come here.
• Mom: No grandma, I'm not going to let you try and give me money.
• Nana: I won't I won't I won't. Come here.
• Mom: Fine, what.
• Nana: Can I give you $200 dollars?
• Mom: NO GRANDMA.
• Mom: $200 dollars for pasta faggiole I've been cooking in the wrong house.

• Me: What don't the Chinese do?
• Mom: Uh.
• Me: Were you trying to think of something?
• Mom: Yeah. OH! They can't pronounce R's. That's what they can't do.